our cab driver is having phone sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
