Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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