When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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