he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
