dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
