we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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