This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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