Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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