Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
