never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Less talking, more tequila
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
