You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
