I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
