You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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