I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
