all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
