in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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