how hairy? two words: wookie tits
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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