You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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