Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
