He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
