i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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