I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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