They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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