and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
