not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
