If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
