i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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