i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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