There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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