Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
