I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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