maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
