I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
