There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Buhtt sex?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
