So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
