The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
