Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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