Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
