Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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