if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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