His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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