he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
