made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
