It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
