i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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