the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
