I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
