we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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