As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.