I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm too high and old for this...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.