It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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