When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
