he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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