It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
