This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
