i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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