I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
