Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
