You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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