Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize