That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
