tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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