my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
tell me about the eggs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
