as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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