For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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