dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
