just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
