ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this boner is exhausting
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
