your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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