His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
