she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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