I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
