rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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