i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
