RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
