I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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