somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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