PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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