if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
