Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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