i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he quoted the bible to break up with me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
